This is the most complete list of Chuck Norris Facts on the Internet


Section 2: History



1. According to legend, Chuck Norris once played a game of Battleship against the U.S. government. It is unclear which side proposed the challenge, but Pearl Harbor has never been the same.

2. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
3. After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.

4. Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
5. As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.

6. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
7. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

8. Chuck Norris defeated the Canadian Army with a rusty wooden spoon.
9. Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.

10. Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
11. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

12. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
13. Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

14. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is classified as a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
15. Chuck Norris utilized his deadly roundhouse kick to quell a terrorist uprising and hostage situation in Iran in 1981. President Ronald Reagan then appointed Chuck Norris the Secretary of Pain. After accepting his new position, Chuck Norris called Reagan a "douche bag" and preceded to roundhouse kick the President in the face. Reagan was hospitalized and from that point on experienced serious memory loss, later being diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1994. Reagan's "Roundhouse Trauma" (as the doctors called it) caught up with him on June 5, 2004, when he met his untimely end. Chuck Norris still holds his position in Washington today.

16. Chuck Norris was once the FBI's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."
17. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

18. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
19. During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.

20. Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".

Follow up:

21. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.

22. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
23. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

24. July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.
25. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

26. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
27. Osama Bin Laden is not hiding, he was roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris and was catapulted into the middle ages.

28. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
29. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.

30. Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
31. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

32. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
33. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

34. The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
35. The people of Atlantis made a statue of Chuck Norris. He didn’t like it…

36. The Sherman tank was originally called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
37. The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.

38. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
39. When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris Halloween costume he was wearing.

40. Back in the '50s, there was a lot of controversy because Chuck Norris was the first black woman to refuse to sit at the back of the bus. He roundhouse kicked every white person in sight, and now he sits wherever the fuck he wants to.
41. Chuck Norris' family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.

42. Chuck Norris in the year 2042 defeated France in World War III by roundhouse kicking the entire French army back in time, their ancestors have ever since been unable to fight properly, in fear of what Chuck Norris might do the next time.
43. Chuck Norris spent the first 4 years of World War II strapped to the back of General Patton. He spent this time doodling pictures of himself punching the atom bomb.

44. Chuck Norris was supposed to be the next face on Mt. Rushmore. Unfortunately the granite is not a hard enough materiel to replicate Chuck Norris' beard.
45. The Titanic would not have sunk if Chuck Norris was on board.

46. Unlike William Wallace, Chuck Norris can shoot fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse.
47. World War I was often referred to as the "Great War". This term was actually paraphrased from Chuck Norris' reference to it as being a "Top-Notch Freakin Awesome War".


Plenty more Chuck in these other sections:


Section 1: Chuck & Geography/Places - 44 Entries


Section 3: Chuck & Entertainment - 115 Entries


Section 4: Chuck & Art and Literature - 60 Entries


Section 5: Chuck & Science and Nature - 135 Entries


Section 6: Chuck & Sports and Leisure - 74 Entries


Section 7: Chuck & Religion - 35 Entries


Section 8: Chuck & Sex - 70 Entries


Section 9: Chuck & Bodily Functions - 100 Entries


Section 10: Chuck & Finance - 15 Entries


Section 11: Chuck & Education - 17 Entries


Section 12: Chuck & Food and Drink - 79 Entries


Section 13: Chuck; Just Killin' - 57 Entries


Got any new ones?