This is the most complete list of Chuck Norris Facts on the Internet


Section 3: Entertainment



1. "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

2. "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
3. ‘Wo Hu Cang Long’, the translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"

4. Before each filming of ‘Walker: Texas Ranger’, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
5. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

6. Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing ‘Decepticons’ and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
7. Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of ‘Tekken’. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.

8. Chuck Norris does not have an iPod. He has a ChuckPod.
9. Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings

10. Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
11. Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about ‘Fight Club’.

12. Chuck Norris is currently suing ‘Myspace’ for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
13. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming ‘Law and Order’ are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

14. Chuck Norris is faster than a speeding bullet, but the phrase “Faster than a speeding bullet” sounds better than “Faster than a speeding Chuck Norris”, so Chuck granted permission to change the phrase.
15. Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up - Jack Bauer and MacGyver. He fed Bauer to MacGyver and fed MacGyver to the 5,000 with some bread

16. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
17. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Geraldo Rivera after Geraldo called him "Charles". Geraldo, embarrassed, later claimed that the injury was the result of a wall being thrown at him by a guest on his show.

18. Chuck Norris once went on ‘Celebrity Jeopardy’ and answered, "Who is Chuck Norris?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.
19. Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.

20. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the ‘Street Fighter II’ video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Follow up:

21. Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career.

22. Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
23. Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on ‘Mortal Kombat 2’ on the Sega Genesis.

24. Chuck Norris beat up MacGyver using only a paper clip, a rubber band, and a pinecone.
25. Chuck Norris was once on ‘Celebrity Wheel of Fortune’ and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

26. Chuck Norris was once on ‘Jeopardy’. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.
27. Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.

28. Chuck Norris while having a calm day at home was watching television when he became furious and began walking down the street punching every kid he saw and screamed “Trix are for Chuck Norris”
29. Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

30. Chuck Norris's show is called ‘Walker: Texas Ranger’, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
31. CNN was originally created as the ‘Chuck Norris Network’ to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

32. Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following ‘Walker, Texas Ranger’, on a routine patrol.
33. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

34. Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
35. Fighting Chuck Norris is what Meatloaf wouldn't do for love.

36. For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more ‘Missing in Action’ sequels and that war will have never actually existed.
37. Freddy Krueger has nightmares of Chuck Norris.

38. Geico saved 15% (or more) by switching to Chuck Norris.
39. ‘Godzilla’ is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

40. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
41. In his movies, for undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

42. In one episode of ‘Fresh Prince of Bel Air’, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
43. In the first ‘Jurassic Park’ movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

44. In the movie ‘The Matrix’, Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
45. In the ‘X-Men’ movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.

46. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch ‘60 Minutes’.
47. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the ‘Terminator’. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

48. Jay-Z’s 99 problems were all Chuck Norris
49. Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.

50. Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.
51. MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.

52. MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
53. Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.

54. Movie trivia: The movie ‘Invasion U.S.A.’ is, in fact, a documentary.
55. Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.

56. Only Chuck Norris knows where ‘Nemo’ is
57. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Killer Whales.

58. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
59. Scotty in ‘Star Trek’ often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

60. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
61. Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called ‘Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre’.

62. Superman once watched an episode of ‘Walker, Texas Ranger’. He then cried himself to sleep.
63. ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

64. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game ‘Civilization 4’, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
65. The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.

66. The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!"
67. The movie ‘Delta Force’ was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.

68. The opening scene of the movie ‘Saving Private Ryan’ is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
69. The original theme song to the ‘Transformers’ was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris

70. The original title for ‘Alien vs. Predator’ was ‘Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris’. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
71. The original title for Star Wars was ‘Skywalker: Texas Ranger’. Starring Chuck Norris.

72. The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in ‘Walker, Texas Ranger’ as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
73. The pie scene in ‘American Pie’ is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.

74. The show ‘Survivor’ had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
75. They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.

76. They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
77. Those aren't credits that roll after ‘Walker Texas Ranger’. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.

78. When an episode of ‘Walker Texas Ranger’ was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
79. When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first ‘Terminator’ movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

80. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the ‘Hulk’. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
81. When Chuck Norris plays ‘Oregon Trail’, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

82. When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
83. When you play ‘Monopoly’ with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

84. Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
85. According to Kanye West, Chuck Norris does not care about black people

86. Batman collects Chuck Norris action figures.
87. Chuck Norris auditioned for the role of Albus Dumbledore for the movie "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban".

They respectfully sent him on his way before realizing he was a real wizard capable of using real magic.
88. Chuck Norris did that to Michael Jackson's face.

89. Chuck Norris doesn't like to play the team mode of the video game "Halo." If you're unlucky enough to find yourself on his team, it'll only be about .43 seconds until you're dead and the words "Betrayed by Chuck Norris" appear on the screen.
90. Chuck Norris invented emo music just to piss people off. Chuck Norris is not sorry.

91. Chuck Norris invented video game violence for the sole reason of pissing off Democrats.
92. Chuck Norris is so popular he was voted prom king and queen.

93. Chuck Norris is the leader of the Others in the TV Show "Lost".
94. Chuck Norris is the only non-ninja to kill several pirates. He is also the only non-pirate to kill several ninjas. It turns out all the fighting between them made enough noise to just plain piss him off. Bad idea.

95. Chuck Norris once head butted all five Baldwin brothers simultaneously. They then promptly apologized for saying "kung fu is for kung fags," and bought Norris a $200 gift certificate to T.G.I. Friday's. Norris has yet to use the gift card.
96. Chuck Norris pimped Xzibit's ride.

97. Chuck Norris puts paparazzi in his protein shakes.
98. Chuck Norris rates his own movies. They’re all rated PG for "Pecs, Giant."

99. Chuck Norris single-handedly discovered the fifth element while jacking off to Michael Jackson's "Beat it"
100. Chuck Norris ties puppies to his feet to simulate real blood spraying from the faces of his stunt actors.

101. Chuck Norris won $1M on an episode of 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' without speaking or using a single lifeline
102. Hasselhoff blew up Chuck Norris' mailbox for stealing his cameo glory in Dodgeball. Norris then blew Hasselhoff until his father bled to death.

103. If Superman and the Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win: Chuck Norris.
104. Kryptonite only makes Chuck Norris stronger. This fact led to the now famous incident when he called Superman a "Pussy".

105. Night of the Living Dead was based on the aftermaths of Chuck Norris' "forgotten" film, where every extra and bit part actor was accidentally killed.
106. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by it's technical term: Jupiter.

107. People like being Mr. Rogers’s neighbor. Not because they live near Mr. Rogers, but because Chuck Norris is the neighborhood watchman.
108. The "Fantastic Four" is a nick name for Chuck Norris and his package.

109. The Beatles claimed they were bigger than Jesus but never once claimed to be bigger than Chuck Norris.
110. The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.

111. The original concept for the show "Survivor" was to put three contestants in a room with Chuck Norris and the last one living won the prize. When they began filming, Chuck Norris killed all three contestants with one roundhouse kick.
112. The original ending, as suggested by Chuck Norris to George Lucas, to Return of the Jedi consisted of the Rebel Alliance finding Chuck Norris on the moon of Endor. The Rebel Alliance realized the power they had in front of them, and begged Chuck to help them defeat the Empire's Death Star. Chuck then jumped into space and roundhouse kicked the Death Star, which exploded in a fiery bang. In the last scenes, Leia left Han for Chuck, Chewbacca became Chuck's life-debt servant, and Luke decided to drop Jedi training and study under Chuck. The ending was never made because it was too awesome for George Lucas to comprehend.

113. The role of Willy Wonka in the remake of 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' was originally offered to Chuck Norris. However, he backed out of the project after the producers rejected his idea of a final fight scene with Charlie in which most of the cast dies.
114. Tom Cruise is actually impotent. Katie Holmes got pregnant thanks to Chuck Norris.

115. When AC/DC wrote the song "Big Balls", they had Chuck Norris in mind.
116. When asked if videogame-related violence was a threat to America's children, Chuck Norris promptly roundhouse kicked Jack Thompson in the face. Ironically, moments later two 13-year-olds were found dead less than a mile from the scene, attempting to reenact this stunt.





Plenty more Chuck in these other sections:


Section 1: Chuck & Geography/Places - 44 Entries


Section 2: Chuck & History - 47 Entries


Section 4: Chuck & Art and Literature - 60 Entries


Section 5: Chuck & Science and Nature - 135 Entries


Section 6: Chuck & Sports and Leisure - 74 Entries


Section 7: Chuck & Religion - 35 Entries


Section 8: Chuck & Sex - 70 Entries


Section 9: Chuck & Bodily Functions - 100 Entries


Section 10: Chuck & Finance - 15 Entries


Section 11: Chuck & Education - 17 Entries


Section 12: Chuck & Food and Drink - 79 Entries


Section 13: Chuck; Just Killin' - 57 Entries


Got any new ones?