The most comprehensive list of Chuck Norris Facts on the internet



Section 12: Food & Drink





1. A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.

2. After giving birth to Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris' mother cooked and ate her placenta. Soon thereafter, she was able to shatter cinder blocks with her tits.
3. Chuck Norris always gets a second helping of peanuts on an airplane. Always.

4. Chuck Norris' beard trimmings are a source of 7 essential nutrients.
5. Chuck Norris became an orphan at the age of four after eating both his parents.

6. Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter
7. Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

8. Chuck Norris can buy egg nog in August.
9. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

10. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out fully solved
11. Chuck Norris can eat granite like a soft chew candy.

12. Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
13. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.

14. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.
15. Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.

16. Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

18. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
19. Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

20. Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

Follow up:

21. Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.

22. Chuck Norris has never had an alcohol problem. However, alcohol has had a Chuck Norris problem.
23. Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

24. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, every 8th meal; the man eats a fucking Indian.
25. Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.

26. Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.
27. Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.

28. Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
29. Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.

30. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
31. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cheesewheel to show a group of third graders how badass he is.

32. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
33. Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.

34. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
35. Chuck Norris once bench pressed Texas. He then found himself with an enormous appetite, so he decided to eat Rosanne Barr. Alive.

36. Chuck Norris once delivered three Mexican babies while eating a ham sandwich.
37. Chuck Norris once drank so much beer; all of the breweries of the world ran out. And then he started on wine. He got through California while you were reading this.

38. Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a seagull after the seagull stole his ice cream. Chuck Norris then grabbed the seagull, bit him in half and spat the seagull's remains into a sleeping baby's face.
39. Chuck Norris once had a contest with The Cookie Monster to see who could eat the most cookies. Halfway through the contest, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Cookie Monster for no apparent reason.

40. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
41. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

42. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
43. Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.

44. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
45. Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.

46. Chuck Norris spends his weekends binge eating Duracell batteries. He does this so that on Monday he can shit out a depleted-uranium tank round to fire at the short bus that drives by his house. This is funny because he could just as easily eat a well balanced meal and roundhouse kick the bus and its occupants into fiery oblivion.
47. Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.

48. Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
49. Chuck Norris’ favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.

50. Chuck Norris's favorite vegetable is Terri Schiavo.
51. Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

52. Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
53. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

54. Life handed Chuck Norris lemons. Instead of making lemonade, he swallowed them whole and gave birth to Big Bird.
55. Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you

56. Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get.
57. Many people say that Chuck Norris eats babies. This is not true. Babies just want to be in Chuck Norris' stomach.

58. Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
59. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

60. Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
61. Ozzy Osbourne once bit the head off a bat. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris then bit the head off Batman.

62. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
63. Some time ago, Nestle asked Chuck Norris to develop a "kick ass" candy bar. Chuck immediately took a dump in a chair and roundhouse kicked everyone in the room. Pointing at the peanut laced shit in the chair, Chuck exclaimed, "There's your kick ass candy bar you Vietnam bitches!" We now know this as a "Baby Ruth".

64. Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 and a half Asian babies in 50 minutes. Chuck Norris won.
65. The only reason crumbs fall into Chuck Norris' beard is because it needs to eat too.

66. The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
67. There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.

68. When Chuck Norris feels playful, he will tell you that there is some food on your shirt. When you look down, he flicks you on the nose with his finger and laughs profusely for ten minutes. He then decides playtime is over and roundhouse kicks you in the face
69. When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

70. When Chuck Norris laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidentally shits a cow
71. When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.

72. When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
73. When Chuck Norris wants to eat, caring mothers offer their children as sacrifices to him in the hopes that he will make them another.

74. When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
75. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

76. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
77. When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.

78. When you hear that snap, crackle and pop in your Rice Krispies, that really Chuck Norris round house kicking the shit out of the elves. He owns them every morning.
79. Whenever Chuck Norris's wife asks him nicely to do the dishes, he throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat.


Plenty more Chuck in these other sections:


Section 1: Chuck & Geography/Places - 44 Entries


Section 2: Chuck & History - 47 Entries


Section 3: Chuck & Entertainment - 115 Entries


Section 4: Chuck & Art and Literature - 60 Entries


Section 5: Chuck & Science and Nature - 135 Entries


Section 6: Chuck & Sports and Leisure - 74 Entries


Section 7: Chuck & Religion - 35 Entries


Section 8: Chuck & Sex - 70 Entries


Section 9: Chuck & Bodily Functions - 100 Entries


Section 10: Chuck & Finance - 15 Entries


Section 11: Chuck & Education - 17 Entries


Section 13: Chuck; Just Killin' - 57 Entries


Got any new ones?