The most comprehensive list of Chuck Norris Facts on the Internet


Section 6: Sports & Leisure



1. Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it - ever.

2. Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
3. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

4. Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
5. Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

6. Chuck Norris considers wearing nothing but a pair of socks "formal dress".
Chuck Norris can win Blackjack with 22.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
7. Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.

8. Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
9. Chuck Norris does not lift weights, weights rise before Chuck Norris

10. Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
11. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them

12. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
13. Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.

14. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the fuck out of little kids.
15. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

16. Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
17. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

18. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
19. Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

20. Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.

Follow up:

21. Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

22. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds - with his fists.

23. Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
24. Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.

25. Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
26. Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

27. Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
28. Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

29. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
30. Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

31. Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
32. Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.

33. Chuck Norris uses all seven letters in Scrabble... Every turn.
34. Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee, Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.

35. Chuck Norris was not allowed into the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship), due to his lethal roundhouse kicks to the face… So Chuck made his own UFC” U….Fear…Chuck”
36. Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

37. Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
38. Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII single-handedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.

39. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
40. Hurricane Katrina was a direct result of Chuck Norris playing water polo with the Bahamas

41. 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
42. If Chuck Norris were an Olympic athlete, the Olympics would be canceled. Every four years they would just mail Chuck Norris his 237 gold medals

43. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
44. In a tag team match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre the Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.

45. Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
46. One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.

47. Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back.
48. Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.

49. That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
50. The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game; it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.

51. The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
52. There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

53. Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a field goal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
54. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

55. What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.
56. When Chuck Norris does a push-up he’s not lifting himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.

57. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
58. When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.

59. When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
60. When Steven Segal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. 6 A man once spent three days climbing a mountain only to discover that it was Chuck Norris' penis.

61. Chuck Norris can not only pull off the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique with only four fingers, he can also juggle a panda bear and a keg of grape juice while doing it.
62. Chuck Norris IS the "I" in Team.

63. Chuck Norris is the greatest baseball player of all time, but because he hits homeruns with roundhouse kicks, he has never been allowed to play at the professional level.
64. Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

65. Chuck Norris once played Jenga. The result was the Empire State Building.
66. Chuck Norris was with a good friend when he was suddenly attacked by a ninja. He easily defeated him by throwing him out the window. His friend commented by humorously saying, "Looks like that guy got 'chucked' out the window!" Chuck Norris was confused at the mention of his name, and roundhouse kicked his friend through a wall.

67. Chuck Norris won the Kentucky Derby by shooting the horses with an AK-47 filled with carrots. He then proceeded to barbeque all the jockeys for a short meal.
68. In 1997, Chuck achieved a milestone in his life by being the first man ever in the Western Hemisphere to be awarded an 8th degree Black Belt Grand Master recognition in the Tae Kwon Do system. This was a first in 4,500 years of tradition. This one's true folks. Thumbs up Chucky.

69. It was once said that in a bar brawl Chuck Norris choke slammed Andre The Giant with his dick.
70. Only Chuck Norris is capable of consecutively firing a six-shooter seven times.

71. The only gold medal Chuck Norris hasn't won at the Olympics is in gymnastics because that is for fags.
72. The Punisher used to hang out with Chuck Norris, back in the day, until Norris realised what a pussy the Punisher was. It was shortly after this that the Punisher started murdering criminals, but Chuck Norris still won't answer his phone calls.

73. When Chuck Norris won the luge event at the winter Olympics, but instead of a sled he rode a human cadaver.
74. When playing Go Fish, Chuck Norris really does "go fish." He then brings back a fifty pound bass, guts it, and then reassembles it and throws it back into the water.


Plenty more Chuck in these other sections:


Section 1: Chuck & Geography/Places - 44 Entries


Section 2: Chuck & History - 47 Entries


Section 3: Chuck & Entertainment - 115 Entries


Section 4: Chuck & Art and Literature - 60 Entries


Section 5: Chuck & Science and Nature - 135 Entries


Section 7: Chuck & Religion - 35 Entries


Section 8: Chuck & Sex - 70 Entries


Section 9: Chuck & Bodily Functions - 100 Entries


Section 10: Chuck & Finance - 15 Entries


Section 11: Chuck & Education - 17 Entries


Section 12: Chuck & Food and Drink - 79 Entries


Section 13: Chuck; Just Killin' - 57 Entries


Got any new ones?