Chuck Norris Is Very Funny —Seriously
May 21, 2006


Last summer, for no particular reason, Ian Spector, a computational biology major at Brown University, created the Random Chuck Norris Fact generator and put it up on a page on his website. So far, the page has registered more than 3,000 "facts" about the actor and martial arts champion. "I'm asked a lot which facts are my favorites and my stock reply is that they all are," Spector says. He admits he answers that way because he doesn't want to hurt posters' feelings. He really likes these:


1. Chuck Norris' calendar goes from March 31 to April 2; no one fools Chuck Norris.


2. Chuck Norris ends every relationship with, "It's not me, it's you."


3. Chuck Norris eats Asian food but uses just one chopstick.


4. Chuck Norris is suing NBC, claiming 'Law and Order' are trademarked names for his legs.


5. Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines; he simply says, "Now."


6. Chuck Norris can grate fresh Parmesan cheese with his beard.


7. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light—because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.



Source: The LA Times

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's ... Chuck Norris, Internet hero


What's Chuck Norris been up to since he and CBS shut down "Walker, Texas Ranger" in 2001? Apart from those Total Gym infomercials, that is.


The laconic, lethal-limbed action star has in fact undergone an improbable metamorphosis. The kick-meister has turned into a punch line. As in: Chuck Norris doesn't shave ... he stares at his beard in the mirror and the hair jumps off his face in fear.


And: Chuck Norris can count to infinity.


And: As a baby, Chuck Norris could fit the square pegs in the circular holes.


"Facts" about Norris' awesome prowess are almost as ubiquitous on the Internet these days as porn sites (and occasionally just as X-rated). In the great cyberspace incubator, Norris has become, at 65, a folkloric figure like Pecos Bill, who legendarily rode a tornado using a rattlesnake for a whip, and Paul Bunyan, who is said to have dredged out the five Great Lakes while rassling with his gargantuan blue ox, Babe.


Norris' lionizers, of course, would tell you that their man's man Chuck would have roundhouse-kicked Bunyan into Saskatchewan and ground Babe up for a Happy Meal. In the world of Norris-isms, excess in the name of exaggeration is a virtue.

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